It's Time
by CoffeeBiscotti
Summary: Beckett's therapist Dr Burke has suggested that it might be time that she came clean about her memory of her shooting, to help her recover and move on from that day, and relieve her of the under riding guilt she carries from keeping secrets from Castle.


******Well, this didn't come out the way that I expected it to AT ALL! Oh well, I guess that happens sometimes huh? So it was going to be a much longer one shot, another 3000 words or so, but I got bored, and I'm working on another longer story right now, so I couldn't really dedicate myself to it, thus this was born. Anyway, hope you enjoy it. Please review, it makes my day, and I work really hard so I like to come home to happy emails =)**

It's Time

His phone buzzed across the top of his office desk as he signed his name on the final order from. Reaching for it, the screen illuminated with the cover art of his latest book.

"Do you miss me already Detective?" He teased, answering the call, as he had only just left her at the 12th Precinct an hour ago.

"Where are you?" She asked, ignoring his cheek. She sounds serious.

"I'm at the bar signing paperwork, but I'm about to head back home. Is everything alright?" He asked, gathering the order forms and putting them in the out tray for the day manager to deal with.

"Will anyone else be home?" She asked, ignoring him again.

"No" he answered, brow furrowed "Alexis is at Paige's, and mother is at the theatre again…"

"Can I meet you there?" She interrupted

"Of course. Half an hour?"

"Sure" she said. His responding 'goodbye' was met with dial tone.

* * *

><p>Doctor Burke had suggested it was time to come clean. Own up to the fact that she remembered everything about the shooting, that she'd known for a long time, and kept it from him. That was three days ago, and ever since he'd left the precinct an hour ago she'd been staring at the phone, willing herself to pick it up and call.<p>

Half an hour after she finally did, she was standing outside his front door staring at her raised fist, willing herself to knock. When she did, he opened the door within seconds.

"Kate" He greeted her, his face graced with a soft smile. As usual when she saw him she felt her stomach clench and she missed a breath. Ever since he'd told her he loved her, she'd been a little nervous around him. She hid it well, he'd never know, but inside she had been wagering a battle between head and heart for months.

"Hey Castle," she said quietly "Can I come in?" he stepped back to allow her to pass and she stepped into his familiar loft and felt a bit better, more comfortable.

"So, can I get you anything? A glass of wine perhaps?" he asked, leading her into the kitchen. She nodded as she took her usual seat at the breakfast bar and he walked around to the other side to get the glasses, once he'd set a glass in front of her he lent his elbows on the counter, rested his chin on his hand and looked at her.

"What's wrong Kate?" He asked, using her first name again.

"I want to talk to you…" she paused and took a sip of her wine and a deep breath "Castle, I need to talk to you about the day I was shot" she blurted out. He choked on the sip of wine he'd just taken, shocked by her statement. After a few moments of spluttering he recovered.

"Sorry, you just surprised me" he said, "What about the day you were shot?"

"I lied," she murmured

"What?" he asked, the mystery growing.

"I lied to you…" she paused "When I said I didn't remember anything, I lied."

"You… you remember something… what do you remember?" he stuttered, shocked that he, a world renowned writer, was lost for words. She stared at him for a moment. It could have been seconds, but for both of them it felt like an eternity, when Kate finally spoke, it was only one word that left her lips.

"Everything"

"Everything?" He repeated

"Yes Rick, everything" she whispered. He noticed immediately that she'd called him Rick and knew that she really _did_ remember everything.

"I remember being on the podium, I remember the burn of the bullet hitting my skin. I remember you pushing me out of the way, I… I remember what you told me."

They stared silently at each other for a long moment before Castle stood up and ran a hand through his hair, a loud say escaping his lips. She watched.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked, watching her with a sidewards glance.

"I didn't want it to be awkward between us"

"It wouldn't…"

"I wasn't ready Rick. I'm sorry." She interrupted him "I thought it would be easier. But it's time you knew"

"Why?"

"I'm trying to get better Castle" she retorted, he felt a slight deflation when she reverted to using his last name. His face fell, which she noticed.

"Alright…" she sighed, "This is the full truth Rick. I'm in therapy"

"You are?" he asked, taken aback slightly. He had no idea that his strong, independent Beckett was seeing a shrink.

"Yes" she snipped "I want to get better Rick, I want to move on with my life, and doctor Burke is helping me do that. Anyway, he suggested that it was time I told you the truth…"

"The truth" he repeated, mainly for his own benefit while his brain caught up with the current conversation.

He paced around the counter and sat at the bar beside her, he sat facing her and waited for her to look at him before he spoke.

"And what's the truth Kate?" he asked, she responded by pulling her lip between her teeth.

"That I'm scared," she whispered.

They were staring at each other, silent. Both scared to make the next move, simultaneously they both opened their mouths to speak, then seeing the other shut them again. He grinned, while she laughed awkwardly and suddenly they were interrupted as the front door swung open and Alexis flew into the room, her flaming red hair streaking along behind her.

"I'm HOME!" she yelled, before realizing they were in the room. Her backpack landed with a thud as she kicked it across to rest against the counter.

"Oh, hi Detective Beckett!" she smiled, "I didn't know you were here, sorry to interrupt"

"No, of course not" Kate mumbled, mostly forcing a smile, "I'll go" she added, collecting her things. Rick looked like he was going to protest but Alexis claimed his attention again and before he could even say 'just wait one second', Kate was gone. The front door latched closed behind her and he was even more confused than he had been before.

* * *

><p>That night Castle couldn't sleep, he tossed and turned in his bed, never able to get comfortable no matter how many times he beat up his pillow. Finally he gave up and went to his office, opened his laptop and began to type. This was never something that would get published, it didn't even fit into the timeline of the next Nikki Heat, but seeing as Nikki and Rook were characters based on Beckett and himself, Castle often found it helpful to work out his feelings through them. The folder full of documents on his computer was proof of that, and he'd solved many a Beckett situation this way… on the other hand, most of these stories ended in pure fantasy, just as this one would.<p>

He was re-writing the scene from previously that day, but instead of being interrupted at the climax of the conversation, Rook delivered the line that Castle had wished he had said and swept Nikki into a kiss that made her legs tremble before they'd fallen into bed together. Instead Rick was sitting weary eyed staring at the bright screen at three in the morning, daydreaming about Kate.

Across town, Kate lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She couldn't sleep either, because she was too bust kicking herself for running away again. She'd never thought herself to be a coward, but she couldn't deny, that is exactly was she was when it came to her infuriating partner. She was a Castle Coward through and through. She screamed into her pillow to release the frustration. It didn't help.

On the night stand her phone buzzed and she flung across the mattress to get it, answering without checking the ID hoping it would be him.

"Beckett" she said, slightly breathless.

"Morning sunshine" Esposito's voice responded "Time for work detective" he teased.

"Where?" she asked

"I'll text you" he said, about to hang up.

"Esposito!" she cried out to catch his attention, when he responded she simply said, "Don't call Castle" and then hung up.

* * *

><p>"Mmm, nothing like murder to perk you up in the morning" Castle remarked as he ducked under the yellow tape and pushed the take away coffee into her gloved hand.<p>

"I think I'll stick with coffee" she retorted, taking a sip "Thanks"

Then she ducked under the tape and walked away, giving Esposito a punch in the arm as she passed.

"I said _don't_ call Castle" she hissed

"Sorry, Beckett I already had. What's the problem?"

"Nothing" she lied, and then walked away from him as well.

Later at the precinct Kate was in the break room battling with the espresso machine when she heard the door click shut, she knew before she turned around who it was.

"Not now Castle" she said, not looking at him, she couldn't look at him.

"Yes Kate" was his response, and she realized her was so much closer to her than she thought he was. He was _right _behind her.

"Castle…"

"You can't expect me to just walk away Kate, I can't ignore it."

"I know, but…"

"What are you scared of Kate?" he asked. He sure knew how to cut to the point, which was part of what scared her. She'd always kept him at arms length yet he still knew her better than anyone else. She turned to face him then, knowing that she couldn't get away from this conversation any more. She didn't say anything for a long while, until Castle reached up and touched her cheek, she involuntarily leaned into his hand and let him caress her face.

"I'm scared of us" she whispered, "I'm scared to loose you, I'm scared I can't be what you want. I'm scared to let you love me, and I'm scared to love you back" she confessed. He moved his hand from her face and her heart sunk. He was pulling away, just like she thought he would.

Then she felt his hands again, both of them this time, either side of her face forcing her to look at him, he was impossibly close to her.

"You'll never loose me, you already are everything that I want, and I already love you Kate" he whispered back "I love you" he repeated, she felt a tear escape her eye and he thumbed it away.

"It's ok to be scared Kate, because it means that you care enough that you don't want to loose it, I'm scared too. I'm scared you won't be able to love me, that you'll get sick of me and leave, that I'll never be able to help you get the closure you need for your mother's death. I'm scared of not having you in my life forever. But I'm not so scared that I'm not willing to try. Are you too scared to try Kate?"

His words were overwhelming, she felt her resolve slipping, he's opened his soul to her, she wasn't the only one who was scared, and the truth was, she would fight for him. She'd fought for him already, as her friend and as her partner, now it was time to fight for his love.

"No" she whispered, leaning closer to him "I'm not too scared Rick" and he smiled his breathtaking grin, and she smiled back and then he leaned in and kissed her, their first _real _kiss, as Rick and Kate, and she felt like she was floating. Unlike their first kiss, undercover, this kiss was sweet and gentle, full of passion and promise as his tongue traced her bottom lip she fell even more in love with him, although it would be some time before she could tell him that, she opened her mouth to him and let him inside, in more ways than he could possibly know in that moment. And as they stood in the break room, making out against the espresso machine, Ryan, Esposito and Lanie stared at them, mouths hanging open in shock, unable to believe their eyes.

"Hey!" Captain Gates called, crossing the bull pen to her office "Unless you're trying to catch flies, shut your mouths and get back to work!" then she went into her office, closed the door and blinds and blocked out the rest of the precinct.

It was probably for the best that she didn't know why three of her employees imitating a clown carnival game. Or else Castle and Beckett wouldn't still alone in the break room, embarking on the rest of their lives together…


End file.
